In the Wind

Here I am again, feeling the need to write. I have so much on my mind lately, and as every day passes I'm finding it harder, and harder to remain positive. School is going good I guess, which is a good plus, but the rest seems to be a giant mess right now. I just don't know how I feel about anything anymore, and I'm losing myself. I don't know when it happened, but I seem to have passed over into some world where no one can be trusted. Where I don't know how to navigate my way through, and I feel like every step could potentially land me on a mine. I hate this feeling of constant fear, and insecurity. I hate the mistrust running through me, and I hate having actual valid reasons for that mistrust. Some of the most important relationships in my life, are suffering. I don't know what to do, or what to say, or how to get it across that certain things are genuinely just not okay.

I fear that men are no longer honourable, that there is no such thing as a truly sacred, trusting, and honest relationship. Now a days things like porn, and Facebook, and even online dating sites make it so easy for men and women a like to find ways of mistreating their significant other without even realizing the actual pain it will cause their partner. 

Maybe its old fashioned of me, and I suppose I shall never find it, but to me a relationship is between you and the person you have chosen. Your eyes might wander a bit, but your thoughts, feelings, and actions shouldn't stray. If you truly love someone, there is nothing you wouldn't do for them, there is nothing you would want to do that hurts them, one of the best quotes I have ever heard summarizes exactly what love is and should still be to this day. 

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offence and it is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."

Alas I fear that a lot of those values are getting blown away in the wind, and I'm alone on my island standing somewhere in the past when values like this meant the most, I just hope that I can somehow manage to make my island bigger, and share it.